Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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