He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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