She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
