i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
