Nicole vs. Life
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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