there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
