i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
