He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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