Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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