is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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