I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
