Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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