If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
