and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
