is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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