I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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