I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
