He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
