I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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