I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
