she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
