so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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