Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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