PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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