Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
