We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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