Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
