the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
