if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
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I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.