Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.