Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning

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  (503): i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking (1-503): I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning http://tfl.nu/mjdo
  Replies (14) Good night (4897) Bad night (853)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy

  (360): View more from Washington

  man i love america

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  (360): so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy (360): man i love america http://tfl.nu/mq4b
  Replies (16) Good night (4998) Bad night (836)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.

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  (613): I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went. http://tfl.nu/jkvp
  Replies (14) Good night (5063) Bad night (1257)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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  (804): French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops. http://tfl.nu/0hfd
  Replies (5) Good night (2223) Bad night (793)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.

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  (931): I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s. http://tfl.nu/244n
  Replies (12) Good night (3058) Bad night (1066)
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  (585): View more from New York

  ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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  (585): ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/72qs
  Replies (17) Good night (3142) Bad night (1102)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.

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  (614): stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude. http://tfl.nu/1ko8
  Replies (17) Good night (1930) Bad night (809)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

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  (860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis http://tfl.nu/bzb9
  Replies (4) Good night (1090) Bad night (754)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

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  (512): I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/ufwf
  Replies (29) Good night (4150) Bad night (762)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.

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  (210): I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them. http://tfl.nu/a4vh
  Replies (9) Good night (706) Bad night (882)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.

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  (229): I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant. http://tfl.nu/p9a2
  Replies (10) Good night (731) Bad night (1652)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.

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  (724): You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking. http://tfl.nu/bbzn
  Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (515)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.

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  (606): The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff. http://tfl.nu/i8ga
  Replies (1) Good night (758) Bad night (473)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5

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  (941): It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5 http://tfl.nu/f2uj
  Replies (3) Good night (413) Bad night (718)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.

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  (617): He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer. http://tfl.nu/nrwh
  Replies (0) Good night (304) Bad night (557)

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