I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread