Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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I just want nice things and good sex
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.