we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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