note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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