Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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