I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
