He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
