Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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