so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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