Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As shirtless as possible
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
