I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
