Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
