Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
