What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
