I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
