My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
