you would pick up someone in the library
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
