better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
