If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
