I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
