Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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