she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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