i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
