phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
