When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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