READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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