the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
