we made out on top of his cat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
