i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
