Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
