my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
