just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
