don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
