Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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