his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
