that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
