I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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