So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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