Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
